Ghosts

A shattered heart and broken smile I own, worlds of confusion and haunted eyes. Empty words with hollow meaning and floods of regret drowning everything.

While your hate cuts deeper than knife and regret twists the blade, I don't know how this got so hopeless. Or why I continually try to live a lie. Through trying to keep above the tides of sorrow, I am putting myself through hell.  

My struggle to sleep proves this no nightmare, while I fight to remain alive. Knowing it won’t be easy to put back all these pieces. And so I sit alone and wonder awhile. Questioning how long will I remain, still waiting for you to stop hating me

Broken hearted from my collapsed dreams as I realise how useless it all is. You’ve given me an introduction to pain. A lesson in hatred and all I have to show is scars.

I don't know where to go from here, or where to turn to now. But I'll send you this message if you’re not deafened by your scorn:

“Although leaving this is painful I'll learn to survive alone”

These ghosts, though, shall remain with me, showing in my eyes and always will there be a sadness weighing down my heart.
The four loneliest words..... ‘It might have been’

Suicide Note

Bent me to your will til I was crying tears of blood, made me out of scars and force me to my place until you'll see nothing in my eyes. Blank, cold and dead inside, I’ll bring you down with me. Until you fight to know you’re alive.

There’s crazed fire in my eyes and ice in my heart. The heat of passion shall be my shield. Hiding the hole inside.

Finding myself alone, becoming more desolate. To the transparent crowds; do I cry out in vain? Now I know I can never be the same and so, losing my mind I take a leap from the edge. Holding tight to the empty hope that you'll be there to break my fall

Grounded in an instant, it’s over as no longer I hope to find you here. I gave my all but t’was not enough, when all I wanted was a chance to melt the ice inside. So now the fire fades, drowned by the blood on the pavement.

Burnt out, is the fire in my eyes, still with ice in my heart. My skin is cold to any touch, no longer heated by passion; to hide the hole inside.

I leave a part of me with you, on the day I die.

A tangled web

Now I have given away my innocence, to become bitter and twisted; not even you see through this facade. These false smiles, this amused laughter. If only they knew what I really laugh at.

If even you could see this would you want to know me? Still ask of me that which you know I cannot give. Do you really even know me? You thought you did, and I let you believe falsity. 'cause I was done with your promises. Lying had come back in style and I'd decided for once to be fashionable - figured I wouldn't lose to you this time. And now I'm never letting you see the truth.

Can you deal with that fact that, this time darling it’s you. Losing because of your ignorance. An ignorance you share with most. You’ll accept me as you think I am, but would you if you really knew?

Is it worth it at all?

What is actually out there?

Anything worth having or seeking?

Or after that now I've discovered there is nothing left for me to give. Is there anything left for me to be given?

You say you love me. And believe it too, but answer me this: does this love of which you speak exist or are we all duped into believing in something that is lust skilfully disguised? To this we've both become victim, losing to this fiction we call love and kindness, tangled and crossed with the facts of lust, broken promises and falsity. A tangled web we all weave.